By Jason Ersatz
05-06-2025
In a recent vote by the New York State Capitol, elected officials voted in a 9-1 majority to add extra dihydrogen monoxide to the city’s drinking water.
As explained by an official spokesperson for the consensus vote: “The idea is to ensure our city’s residents receive an adequate amount of minerals and vitamins in their day-to-day lives, living healthier lives and making sure we’re as strong a city as we’ve ever been”.
As with any official change, the council has not been short on criticisms, with many inhabitants voicing their concerns for the vote that was approved without taking into consideration public opinion. One Flatiron neighbor, Dennis West, explained “How is this going to affect the price of water? It’s already so expensive, and I don’t want it going up more just because the government wants to add more”.
Another Manhattan resident, Dr. Arnold Hudson, gave a different concern from Mr. West’s economic viewpoint, stating: “Dihydrogen monoxide can be dangerous. In some places, they also call it hydric acid, and it’s known to be fatal in large quantities. The whole Midwest had an epidemic because of hydric acid last month, and I don’t want to be in the same situation”.
However, New York officials have dismissed Dr. Hudson’s claims, assuring that “as long as the good people of New York continue drinking water sensibly and don’t abuse the new system, there should be nothing to worry about”.
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