By Wynonna Mountebank
05-01-2025
In the latest update to the Baltimore time theft case that has been gripping the nation for the past few months, the accused, Barry Cerrini, has been sentenced to 23 years for larceny and intention to commit larceny against his employer, Ros&Lind LLC, one of the nation’s leading providers of paper, with important government contracts in place with various agencies to keep them stocked for written forms, reports, and other sensitive information that is required to be kept in a paper format to avoid dangerous hackers or leaks.
The prosecution successfully presented their case, arguing that although Mr. Cerrini appeared to have only been unexplainedly absent from his desk for 13 minutes and 47 seconds in the three months since he started working for Ros&Lind, this was pattern behavior that may have led to incremental absences over time, culminating in the theft of up to a full day over the next 10 years.
The defendants argued against this on several points, including the assertion that the absences were “bathroom breaks”, which must be noted, were unauthorized, and that the jury “was also absent from their jobs at this very moment”. However, both the jury and the prosecution agreed that the jury was, in fact, contributing to society, and not unaccountably absent from their duties, excluding an anonymous jury member who claimed to be “sick with the flu”.
The judge passed out the sentence with the expectation that this would enhance productivity in the common workplace, remind both employers and employees of the privileges of the modern work environment, and strengthen the trust companies place in their workforce to carry out the daily duties for which they so graciously offer payment and other benefits.
As with any large case, there is a rift between the people who support the defendant and the corporations contributing to the prosecution, with a recent clash outside the courthouse where a group of violent protesters armed with bats, stakes and other signs clashed with the security detail of several executives. Eyewitness reports claim that the crowd converged upon the limousines and viciously attacked the occupants with their words before being subdued by the police to allow the executives entry into the courthouse.
No matter the opinion, a new precedent has now been established, ensuring that important companies are not defrauded by an incompetent or remorseless workforce, and allowing them to continue contributing to the growing economy at unprecedented rates.
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