Language Scientists To Make Changes To Dictionary

With the heavily-anticipated release of the 14th Edition of the American Language Dictionary, editors and linguists have revealed they are making some big changes to the content to keep it up-to-date with the modern era.

A long-standing reference for correct grammar and spelling, the first edition of the American Language Dictionary was published in 1862 by Dr. Jeffrey Rubens, meant to assist confederate generals with war letters to ensure less confusion amongst their soldiers, and has since grown to become a staple of American society. This latest 14th edition contains some important changes to better reflect the American attitude in 2025 and the foreseeable future.

The biggest and boldest change will be to cut down the size of the dictionary to just 88 pages, not including the index, which the linguists agree will help promote faster discussions, quicker decision-making, and result in less ambiguous wording that can be confusing for some. This policy, they explain, will ensure that America’s future will accelerate at an even faster pace than previously imaginable, as people will no longer be stuck trying to decipher useless synonyms in literary texts, and general discussion will be concise and to-the-point, allowing for faster decision-making on important topics.

Regarding synonyms, the linguists were very pleased to note that many useless synonyms have been removed from the dictionary in favor of single words to reflect the topic, such as removing “lengthen”, “extend”, “elongate” and “enlarge” and leaving the much easier word “stretch”. They’re even going so far as to simplify the animal kingdom, removing “brown rat”, “muskrat”, “woodrat” and “marsh rice rat” in favor of the simple and easy “rat”.

The change that will most affect societal attitudes though, according to the linguists, is the removal of words with extreme negative connotations. They explain that American society has grown pessimistic, with negativity dominating modern discourse, and in an effort to change the view our nation has of itself, they have removed negative terms such as “incompetent”, “fraud”, “charlatan”, “ineptitude” and “impotence”, among thousands of others, while promoting positive terminology such as “savior”, “gratitude”, and “respect”.

This latest edition will be releasing very soon, so make sure to pre-order it while you still can to stay up-to-date on how our leaders will be speaking, and reflect their newfound positivity in your own voice.